You don’t want to get a letter from me. I only write letters when I have something rotten to say. Better you should have a telephone conversation. Read this actual example, then I will explain the background:
Dear Manny:
Today I received the check for the purchase of the home next to yours on Pioneer Circle. With that business concluded I would like to explain how you caused yourself more harm than you may realize.
Your attempt to interfere with the sale of my home created a situation that required my lawyer to uncover the original CC&Rs for the property. It clearly stated that the contractor for the development was allowed to place the various retaining walls anywhere on the property near the property line. The title insurance policies solidified these decisions.
To my absolute delight, it turns out that your specific retaining wall is on your property. That means you must foot the bill to maintain it or replace it. (Applause! Let’s hear it for Manny.) That’s right Schmucko, you have your very own, creosote soaked, splinter-laden log pile.
And to think, you caused us to get all the uncomfortable facts. The only question now is: When will it need replacing? Probably sooner than later. I have advised the new owners of my property to keep an eye on it. And, when you do replace it, you will be required to have the approval of the Homeowners Association and City Inspectors. (Hurray for red tape.)
It’s always comforting to know that there is a God and he works in ways that mystifys even me. Remember, God loves his Schmucks. Which causes me to ask: Can’t you feel the love??? I feel like writing the Pope and suggesting that a special holiday be named after you. How does Manny The Moron Day sound? Remember, a man of limited intelligence can easily outsmart himself. Congratulations. You get the booby prize. It’s you Putzaroonie. Enjoy!
Laughing all the way to the bank, Pincus
Lets start with homeowners associations. In case you haven’t had the displeasure of dealing with one, let me enlighten you. By definition they are supposed to be a peer group of fellow homeowners organized for the betterment of a given development.
In practice they are a gang of marginally intelligent people collectively working towards my personal destruction. Their playbook for common sense thinking is something called “The CC&Rs.” God only knows what these initials stand for. For these self-appointed hall monitors, CC&Rs are the holy grail from which they magically sap their self-anointed authority. Rational logic has just flown out the window and has been replaced by the same logic that motivated the Nazis to create their Gestapo.
To my absolute delight I have never actually resided within the walls of such resident prisons. I have, however, owned rental properties in two of them. One of these places was a “manufactured home” in a CC&Rs controlled community called Pilgrims Creek.
There was neither a pilgrim residing there nor a creek running through it. Obviously the name was fabricated by the developer to better sell his crappy homes made from the very cheapest materials he could get by with. I had inherited a home from my uncle who had a knack for making bad decisions with almost all his purchases. He was a German language teacher from the old school (which means he placed a premium on narrow-minded rigidity over flexibility and fun.) But that is another story.
Next door to this piece-of-crap home is a neighbor named Manny. Manny who is in his late 50s married a woman named Rose who is in her early 80s. Obviously the woman owned the home, and probably the bank accounts. Manny owned his small brain and probably a string of failures. At least that is my best guess.
Manny also owned a mid-sized, rather ugly RV that he insisted on parking in his driveway, which was strictly against the CC&Rs. The homeowners association had, on numerous occasions, demanded that he remove the vehicle. But Manny just thumbed his nose at their demands. I didn’t care about any of this until I lost a surefire sale of the home because the prospective buyer first said yes to the price and then, after seeing Manny’s hunk of junk in his driveway, said no.
Hearing about this, I decided to take action. However, before I called Manny, he called me. He wanted to show me something. I mentioned his RV needed moving and he was amiable to discussing it. He said he also had an issue. So I took the hour drive.
Manny wanted me to move the retaining wall (made of old railroad ties) to my side of the property line. “After all, it benefits your property more than mine,” he explained like the con man he is.
I granted him permission to move the retaining wall at his expense as long as it could be confirmed that it was on his property and that it would be inspected and approved by the city and homeowners association.
“You don’t understand. The wall is holding up your soil. It benefits your property.”
“And, it stops the soil from flooding onto your property. We both benefit. But if you want to move it, go ahead at your expense and on my conditions. Now let’s discuss your RV.”
“The RV is off the table for discussion. I am too upset.”
I returned home and immediately contacted my lawyer, who sent Manny a letter of demand. If the RV was not moved within 24 hours after receiving my registered letter, I would take him to Superior Court, citing a provable loss of sale. Very quickly the RV disappeared from the driveway.
The sticking point was that he wanted me to move the wall and pay for the moving. But from that point on Manny had it in for me. He tried every harassing action his small mind could conjure up. It was comical. And after I sold the place, and it was in escrow, Manny went to the new owners and told them he had a legal dispute with me over the property line and retaining wall. That issue was cleared up and the sale went through.
Without knowing the background the letter will now make sense. But now that you know the story, you understand why you don’t want to receive a letter from me. Better we should talk on the phone.
You don’t want to get a letter from me. I only write letters when I have something rotten to say. Better you should have a telephone conversation. Read this actual example, then I will explain the background:
Dear Manny:
Today I received the check for the purchase of the home next to yours on Pioneer Circle. With that business concluded I would like to explain how you caused yourself more harm than you may realize.
Your attempt to interfere with the sale of my home created a situation that required my lawyer to uncover the original CC&Rs for the property. It clearly stated that the contractor for the development was allowed to place the various retaining walls anywhere on the property near the property line. The title insurance policies solidified these decisions.